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SMS Jokes



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Patient : Doctor, I have a problem. I seem to forget whatever I say and, this condition is very embarrassing and discouraging me.

Doctor : How long you are having this problem.

Patient : What Problem ????

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When a man opens the door of his car for his wife...

You can be sure of one thing: 

Either the car is new or the wife.

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Wife: If I dismiss the cook and make the food myself for a month, what will you pay me? 

Husband: I won't have to pay you, you'll get my entire insurance amount.

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Two men r talking. 1st: I got married coz I was tired of 
eating out, cleaning the house, doing the laundry & wearing shabby 
clothes. 

2nd: Amazing, I just got divorced for the very same reasons 
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What's the biggest pressure for Pak captain when Pak needs 1 run to win in 8 ovrs, with 5 wickets in hand? 

Ya Allah! How to speak English in presentation ceremony? 

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Before marriage: Roses are red, sky is blue. U r beautiful, I luv u. 

After marriage: Roses are dead, I'm blue. U r my headache, one day I'll kill u. 

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Police arrested a drunkard & asked: Where r u going? 

Man: I'm going 2 listen 
 2 lecture on ill effects of drinking. 

Cop: Who'll lecture at
midnight? 

Man: My wife... 

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Don't meet girls during monsoon ...

Otherwise...

They will become...... MOM soon.

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10 years income:

Teacher : 20 lakhs
Doctor : 500 lakhs
Engineer : 450 Lakhs
IAS Officer : 700 Lakhs

Sanyasi (Ramdev Baba ) : 1177 Cr
Satya Sai Baba : 40,000 Cr

So... Choose your career carefully.
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Best Quote from Swamy Nityananda...

Love the lady .....
But Don't touch the body .....

If you touch the body .....
Some one will make the CD.

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After an accident,


A very angry driver :

I showed u the headlights & told u to go by side.....


Santa : I also started the wipers & said

No, No..... No.....
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Prospective husband in a book store
" Do you have a book called "Husbands, The masters of Wives"

Sales Girl:

Sir,
'Comic Department' is on the 1st floor...
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Itne saal ho hye but abhi tak 2 cheese bilkul nahi badli......

1- Maa ka pyar


2 - MDH masalo ka advertisement vala buddha...!!!

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A guy searching these keywords on Google...

How to handle wife???


Google search results -



"Even we are searching!!!!"
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If Balayya used lamp to study,

Nagarjuna used candle to study, venky studies under street light... But
Do you know about Chiranjeevi?..... Only agarbatti.
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Life is like a flowing river full of opportunities.

It is up to you .. whether you stand with a bucket or a spoon.  
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Height of insult -

Man surfing channels asks his wife : Darling should I watch porn or cricket??
Wife: for god sake watch porn, you already know hot to play cricket.
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80 years old man to doctor: my 20 years old wife is pregnant.
Doctor: ek kahano suno ...... 
Ek shikari shikar jathe hue jaldhi me gun ke jaga umbrella leke gaya. 
Jungle me uske samne ek lion aya, usne umbrella aur fire kiya, lion mar gaya.
Old Man: Impossible, kisi aur ne goli mari hogi.
Doctor : "Exactly" 

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Once Rajanikanth playing cricket during  mansoons......



Guess what happened?????


Rains cancelled due to match.

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In today's life, love marriage means "To marry your own lover"

Arranged marriage means "To marry others lover" It hurts u but its amazingly true.
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If you can not find the right words to certain situations just give a smile....
Words may confuse, But a smile always convinces.
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If 15 sec of smile can make a photograph more beautiful, Then.....
Just Imagine if you keep smiling always how beautiful your life will be !!!! Keep Smiling.
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Choosing so many wrong persons will not affect your life.
But .... missing one right person will leave you a broken heart throughout your life.
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A small but wonderful saying.....
There is nothing like BUSY, its always about PRIORITIES.

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Y in every love story sister supports brother but brother does not supports sister???
Because sister knows what love is ..... !!!!  and brother knows what  boys are....!!! 
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Boys ki life ke do usool hote hai : ek to wo kisi bhi anjan ladki ko lift nahi dethe....
Aur doosri wo kisi ladki ko anjaan nahi samajthe.
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Teacher : Akbar koun tha?
Student: Pata Nahi.
Teacher: Padhai pe dhyan de to patha chale.
Student : Madam, Amit kaun hai?
Teacher: Patha nahi.
Student: Apni beti pe dhyan do to patha chaltha.
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A psychological fact - when 2 Idian couples come face to face!!!!

Wives looks at each other saree... But husbands looks at each other wife.....! 
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Santa: Tumhari biwi ka kya naam hai?
Banta: Google Kaur.
Santa: Kyun?
Banta: Sawal ek karo, jawab 10 milte hain.
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Boy friend rushes home: 
Pack your bag honey, I have won Rs.10 crores in lottery.
Girl Friend: WOW!!! Where we are going Thailand or Switzerland???
Boy Friend: Who cares???? Just pack your bag & GET LOST!!!!

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Oka cinema hall owner "ROSHAIAH" ki pedda fan.

Andhuku athadu thana cinema hall ki "ROSHAIAH DOTHI" ani peru pettadu.
Prathi kottha cenemaki paperlo ila vasthundhi....

"ROSHAIAH DOTHI LO" ----------------  KOTHA BANGARU LOKAM
"ROSHAIAH DOTHI LO" ----------------- EMAINDHI EEVELA
"ROSHAIAH DOTHI LO" ----------------- SIMHA
"ROSHAIAH DOTHI LO" ----------------- RAGADA
"ROSHAIAH DOTHI LO" ----------------- KALYAN RAM KATHI
"ROSHAIAH DOTHI LO" ----------------- MIRAYPAKAY
"ROSHAIAH DOTHI LO" ----------------- THEEN MAAR

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Finally it has happend!!
Beer is now cheaper than Onions!!!
No more tears............ Only BEERS!!!!! cheers.

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Subha - Subha suraj ki pehli sunehri kiran mere upar aai our 


kaan me dheere se bol gayi.... Utth ja yaar - Dunia ko Tung karne ka time ho gaya hai... 

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Arz kiya hai....

Aap bus pe chado ya bus aap pe chade, common baat hai fir be gaur kare.


Aap bus pe chado ya bus aap pe chade.... ticket to aapka hi katega...
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A Fantastic letter by a little kid who hates maths:


Dear Maths, 


Please grow up soon & try to solve your own problems. Don't depend upon others!!!
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Ram Charan: Babai 2012 lo yugantham avuthundha?

Pavan: Anthavaraku endukura bacha......2011 lo Paramaveera Chakra release kani okkadu migaladu.
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This message is being sent in the interest of humanity..... Guys please stop making jokes on Rajanikant...

Or Else.....

He will delete the INTERNET.
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Bus me ek aurath bache ko apna dudh pilate huye bar-bar boli....
              peele.... peele... Nahito uncle ko de dungi...

Santa: Oye jaldi decide kar!! Tere chakkar me 5 stop age a gaya hoon.

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MIND BLOWING FACT:

No matter whether boys buy 220cc Pulser and 250cc Karizma or 350cc Royal Enfield..
It cannot overtake a beautiful girl's 80cc Scooty.

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Jr. NTR    : Babai... nee laptop kaavali.
BALAYYA : Theesukellu
Jr. NTR    : Chala baruvuga undhi
BALAYYA : Konchem data delete chesi theesukellu.
Jr. NTR    : Nuvvu chala intelligent babai.

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Dad bought a robot which slaps when we tell lies:

Dad: y r u so late? ..... 
Son: Extra Class..... Robot slapped the son...
Son: Movie.... 
Dad: Which movie?.... Son: Bala Ganesha... Robot again slapped...
Son: Chikatlo Chinnadi... 
Dad: I had never seen such a movie.... Robot slapped the dad.
Mom: Enthaina  mee koduku kadha... Robot slapped the mom. 
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Why did Rajnikanth buy an acre of land with 4 wells in each corner???

Just.... to play CAROMS.

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Zoo nunchi vacchadu...... "Chimpanji"....la unnnadu.... anukuntuntunnava???  
Kottaga undhani try chesa...!
Lopala Buradha pandhi paurusham alane undhi. Bayatiki theesanante racha rachhe...!

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1st question:
You are sitting in front of a computer... Wht computer will think?         Intel inside... Mental outside.
2nd question:
You are standing in front of refrigerator..... What will it think?????         cool inside .... Fool outside.

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Now world can't end in 2012..... Because ...... Rajanikanth bought a laptop with 3 years warranty.
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Alcohol is not the answer to all the questions -- Swami Vivekanada
But
If you don't get the answer, Alcohol heps you to forget the questions-- Vijay Mallya

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Dad caught his son watching "Sheila ki Jawani" song,
Dad bole : Padh le beta!!! "Sheela tho exams ke baad bi jawan rahengi"

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Husband   : Darling.. What you made for dinner????
Wife            :  Poison..... Why?
Husband   :  Today I am coming late.. Don't wait for me. You eat.
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Balayya: Nenu Kuda Jagan laga odarpu yatra chepadathanura..
Jr. NTR: Deniki Babai.
Balayya: Mana cinemalu chusi suicide chesukunnavalla kosam. 
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"Rama Krishna",   your son died. Hearing this, Ramakrishna
Jumps from 50th floor... At 35th floor, He realizes  " I dont have any son"
At 20th floor, " I am not married!" At 3rd Floor....... Shit.........
I m not Rama krishna................. I m BALAKRISHNA.
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Jr. NTR: repu non veg thindama babai?
Balayya: Sare repu manam fish thindham.
Jr NTR: Andulo Mullu untai kadha babai?
Balayya: Parvaledhura cheppulesukuni thindham.
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What is the difference between Talent & Intelligence?
Getting up early in the morning is talent....!!!!
Not trying such nonsense is intelligence.

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Meghalu Kamminappudu nuvve guthukosthav.....
Urumulu Uriminappudu nuvve gurthukosthav....
Chinukullo thadisinapudu kuda nuvve gurthukosthunnav....
Please naa godugu eppudisthav?????
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3 monkeys had ran away from zoo..
1st is dancing.... 2nd is eating & 3rd is...
No yaar... It's not you.... why you always think like that..... that is still missing.
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A well said corporate truth by CEO:

After changing so many jobs, what I realized is :

"Prostitution is the only industry that treats freshers as angels"
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Balayya: Ralayaseema lo adugu petti  matti chethilo tisukuni muddu pettadu.

Jr. NTR: Emaindhi babai??

Balayya : Vasana Marindi ra!!!!

Jr. NTR: Nuv pattukundi penda babai.
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Jr. NTR was having dinner at a function.....

Food pettukuntu... Tissue paper kuda plate lo vesukunnadu.

Appude Balayya okkati peeki.. orey.. adhi tinaku asalu taste ledu.
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Balayya made a call to airport and asked: 

How long is the journey from hyd to mumbai?

Receptionist: It takes only 30 minutes.

Balayya: Only that much???? OK I will go by walk.
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Bhagwam me hamari body aise disign kiye ki na toh:

apni peeth thap-thapa sakte hai.......... aur

na hee apni gaand pe laat nahi mar sakte hai.. Isiliye u need SAATHI.
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Once Pawan Kalyan met a dog in jungle he said:

" I am PULI !!!!" "KOMARAM PULI"

The dog barks and replied: "I am kukka".. "Pichi Kukka".
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Agora Tells Balayya about Magadheera....

Vaadu MONDAY agnigolam la kanpistadu.

Balayya: Avuna???? Mari Tuesday ela kanpisthadu?

Agora:  Inko 400 years aina nuv marav ra Baliga!!!!!!!!!!
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Boy1:  Orey .... eeroju na girl friend birthday. Thanaki Emi Ivvanu?

Boy2:  Chuddaniki ela untundi?

Boy1:   Andamga untundi.

Boy2:   Ayithe naa cell number ivvu.
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Boys are like coconut, may be harder outside but sweeter inside.

But girls are like cabbages. Enni tokkalu teesina last ki tokke miguluddi.

Thokkalo girls...... Thokkalo girls.
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Age wise songs:

3 years  :    O... papa lali.... 
9 years  :    Tunigaaa... Tuniga...
21 years:    Nakoka Girl friend kaavali...
26 years:    Mem vayasuku vacham...
35 years:    Gurtukostunnayi....
60 years:    Lahiri Lahirilo...
72 years:    Ralipoyepuvva neeku raagalenduke...

Next.....
No song..... Only music.....

Dandanaka... Dandanaka.... Dandanaka... Dandanaka... Daka.. Daka.
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Banta : There ghar se hamesha hanse ki awaz aati hai.. Kushi kaa raaz... kya hai???

Santa:  Mere Biwi muje jute marti hai, lag gaya tho woh hasti hai, nahi lage to mai hasta hu.
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Balio:       Yesterday night I saw an English film for 3 hours. No sound... No diloges...

Jr. NTR:  What is the film name babai????

Balio:       INSERT DISC.
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If Balio want to create a email ID.... You know what is Balayya's E-Mail ID?????

gmail@balakrishna.com.... Mind it.

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Ladies hostel caught fire.... It took one hour to bring the fire under control....

and three hours to bring the firemen under control....
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Pavan:   Charan, how is my film PULI?

Charan:  Babai, nuvu minchi poyav..

Pavan:   Evarni raa...

Charan: Balayyanu babai.

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Pavan :     Naa PULI poindi...... Nee KHALEJA poindi... Iddaram kalasi bar ki veldhama...

Mahesh:  Thondaraenduku???? 5 days aithe Jr. NTR kuda vasthadu. Andaram kalasi veldam.

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God kisi ko cel na de...agar deto usme SMS ka system na de....

system deto balance na de... agar balance de to kamse kam 2-4 sms karne ka hausla de...

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In  a quiz contest for stars: Q: Can anybody say any Microsoft product?

Raviteja            :       MS Word.

Maheshbabu     :       MS office

Prabhas             :       MS Powerpoint

Balayya             :       MS dhoni

Jr. NTR             :      MS Narayana.....

Nandamuri family rockzzzzzz............ audiance shockzzzzzzzzzz.

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Girl:      amma ee roju nenu oka abbaini school lo fool ni chesa.

Amma:   yela???

Girl:       Nenu thana pen naa socks lo dacha !!! athanu ganta sepu naa bra lo vethikadu.

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Don't break anybody's heart, because every one has only one heart......

Instead, break their bones.... they have 206.

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R u busy???

How Much Busy???

Fully Busry??

or little Busy??

If you are little busy??

Why don't you send Message??

&

If you are fully Busy?

.
.

Idiot,, Why are you reading this message??

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A Guy had six fingers and his friends called him AARYA.... Why???


Guess...............

Because... his name is AARYA.

Moral: Dont think like a scientist.

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Rs 60 crores per day is spent in messaging by Indians, which can be usd 2 feed 60 lakh hungry people in PAKISTAN.



So lets...

Keep those idiots hungry & keep messaging....

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There are only 5 things we need in life:


Good Friends...

Good Job..

Good Food...

Good Sleep..

&

Good __uck

What ever you are thinking is right...
Good Day..
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Question: Adavari Nadaka???? Hamsa Nadaka..


Mari Magavari Nadaka????? Hamsa Venaka.

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SArdar WAs Standing in bolcony without shirt..


Friend: Wah!!! SArdar Jee Kya Chest Hai????


SArdar Replied.....

Ye tho kuch nahi hai andar jake apni babhi di dekh.

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Sunny went to drop an unknown aunty at her home....

Aunty: " baga ratri ayindi babu ikkade paduko, BITTU roomlo"
Sunny: "Vaddu aunty nenu ikkade padukunta hall lo"
Next day a beautiful girl comes with a cup of coffee...
Sunny: Meeru evaru?
Girl: Nenu Bittu, Mari Meeru?
Sunny: "PICHI NA KODUKUNI"

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SArdar ji went to GUNNIES BOOK office.. to check if he is still the biggest fool on the earth.
He come out angry and shouting...

Ye.... SAala BALA KRISHNA koun re???

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Beauty Tip:

If you want 2 protect your face from dust, mud and other such things...

Then apply...

ASIAN PAINTS;

Exterior Emulsion...

7 Years Gaurantee..

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U stole my memories

I execused..

U stole my laugh

I execused..

U Stole my heart

I execused..


BUt..... This is toomuch.......

Please return my dog's biscuit....

It is crying!!!!!!!!!!
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